Hey beautiful ladies
How y’all doing??
Today on ‘walk with me’ I’m going to be sharing with you something which has really been bugging my mind! I want to be real honest and transparent with my readers, and I desire to be as open as I can, in all posts which are categorized under the heading ‘walk with me’!
So anyway imma quickly cut to the chase. Today I am going to be speaking about marriage! I know for some of you this word can stir up differing kinds of emotions, but it’s just one of those words you can’t seem to avoid hearing (especially once you hit a certain age. 18 plus in my case). I am glad to say that my parents have never been people to pressure me into getting married quickly, and I really love that about them, and respect them for it. I cherish the fact that they do pray to God on my behalf, asking God to bless me with a godly marriage, as I do desire to get married. But they don’t ask such abrupt questions such as ‘why aren’t you married’ or ‘when are you going to get married’. Thumbs up to my parents.
But my parents are not the only people I come into close contact with in this very BIG world, full of lots and lots of people (and all these many people, have many varying opinions on life). Over the past year I have had an increased number of people ‘trying’ to hook me up, from extended family members, to people at work. Don’t get me wrong, I really do appreciate the fact that my love life is of concern to certain individuals, and in a way it shows me that they genuinely do care for me. But people… people we must be very careful with asking questions such as, ‘why aren’t you married?’ or ‘it’s so sad that you don’t have a boyfriend’ or ‘oh my days you’ve never been in a relationship… Is that by choice?’, or ‘you’ve got a degree what are you waiting for? Are you waiting to finish your PhD before getting married, because that’s not such a good idea’. etc etc etc. The list goes on and on, but those are just some of the few phrases I’ve had spoken to me. I’d just like to point out that the best person to ask on why a child of God is not married yet, is GOD himself. So please do rethink before asking such questions. And for believers as well, the best thing you can do for your unmarried believing friend, waiting on God for marriage, is to pray for them. Prayer works a lot more than hassling your friend, or discussing their unmarried status with other people! Sorry just thought I’d chuck in another question that frustrates me which is, ‘when are you getting married’, well believe me if I knew the exact date, invitations will be out already! And I must not forget, remember not everyone wants to get married!! Even Paul speaks of this in the bible, with regards to some people being called to live an unmarried life (1 Corinthians 7:7). (I prefer to use the word unmarried rather than single, because as a believer you are not alone/solo, you’re in a relationship with the King of kings, but just happen to be unmarried). Well enough of my rant, I just wanted to emphasis that when a person is hassled, and bombarded with such questions it can cause them to be discouraged! But today my friends I am here to encourage you, because I myself go through seasons of feeling downcast, but find strength in Gods word. His word reminds me to TRUST in Him.
I’m going to be upfront with you here, over the past few weeks I’ve been simply fed up. This is due to the ample amount of times I got asked ‘why aren’t you married’. I mean I even got sat down at one point. I was fed up at the fact that I didn’t even have a potential spouse, and I began to get annoyed with God. I just really wanted to know what on earth was going on with my life. Like why am I still single when I believe, and have been told by others I possess the qualities of a wife! I found out that my younger cousin got married, I then heard that she had given birth to a beautiful baby! I was filled with joy for her safe delivery, and so happy to have an extra addition to the family! But this good news reminded me that I still have no one to call my husband. Preying on Facebook didn’t help matters at all, in fact it made matters worse. I was genuinely filled with joy to see class mates getting engaged, and getting into relationships, but then I’d also think ‘what is actually going on with my life’. I used to question God always asking ‘where is this man of mine’,
Now I’m gonna share with you another thing, which I have not told many people. I know it may sound childish, but my dream/goal is to be married by 25 (originally 23 and have a child by 25, but tbh I wasn’t being at all realistic with myself). I always used to tell God this, and would sulk like a little child, stating to Him that the dream of being married by 25 seems to be swiftly disappearing. If this is the place you find yourself often, I just want to encourage you today as well as myself, to just simply TRUST GOD.
God has been reminding me that He desires for my union with my husband to bring Him glory. And that one of the reasons why so many people are desperate/excited to see me get married, is because they can already see the hand of God on my life. Also when a large group of people are watching your life, it provides a platform for more people to give God glory, Psalm 67:7 pops into my mind here. People will begin to fear (reverence/honor) God because of my life (*because of my marriage). Gods word has been a real armor of protection for me, a weapon of self defense against the lies of the enemy, and also a shield against the frustrating questions I’ve had fired at me from inquisitive folk! Gods word has given me true and unshakable confidence. Yes I may feel low at times, but my God confidence can NEVER be destroyed. Amen!
God then proceeded to highlight to me that, I can never find total satisfaction in life unless I’m pleasing Him through using my God given talents and abilities. One of passions is music, I love to sing and it bugs me that I’ve allowed fear to rob me of my time, time which I should have spent developing my talent, talent which could be used within Gods kingdom! What would crush me the most in life, is to have spent all my life not fulfilling a single one of my purposes, and not developing my natural talents/abilities. First and foremost pleasing God in such a way, far outweighs my desire to find a husband. (Although I do believe that talents can blossom, and new abilities can be discovered within a marriage. This is because once you share the same vision, you can help each other grow). But to sum this point up in a nutshell, basically ‘God first sis’.
Overtime I have had to remind myself that my relationship with God is not worth jeopardizing, because of getting into a toxic relationship. Impatience can lead to destruction, and only give you a brief moment of satisfaction. I don’t want to hinder my growth in Christ, because I was to busy falling head over heels, over a man who God has not destined to be my husband. I don’t want, or need such distractions in my life because at the end of the day, it would break my heart to know that I could have been used to do great things within the kingdom, but because I was too busy being distracted I missed out on the opportunity.
My final point for you guys today, is for you to live for now (present) and not in the past! I often find myself reminiscing on ‘what if I had given that guy my attention, or responded to his advances in a better way. Maybe I would have been engaged by now, or even married, and pregnant’. Such thoughts can bring ones countenance down significantly, especially if such thoughts are dwelt upon on a regular basis. Ask God to restore onto you the joy of your salvation, so you don’t have time to brood over the past (Ecclesiastes 5:20). Ladies forgot the ‘what ifs’, and stop beating yourself up about missed relationship possibilities. The key word there is possibility, possibility doesn’t mean definitely. It’s the same as chance, there’s a chance something will happen, and there’s also a chance something will not happen. What’s meant to be will be. (I’d just like to clarify that the past advances I’d received were inappropriate, and I knew to get myself into a relationship with an individual who complete disregards God, and has no moral values would dishonor God. That is not to say that God can not save an unbelieving spouse, or use you to minister to a guy who could later become your husband).
So beautiful ladies no more sulking, keep your head up high, just know and believe that God has got a GREAT plan in store for your life. Remember that God will grant His children’s hearts desire! Stop living a ‘what if life’ and start living in the now! Be excited at the fact that if God has promised you a husband, that husband will be a person beyond what your mind can convince or even imagine (Ephesians 3:20)! Sorry but is that not exciting?!? Because that thought excites me for sure! Ladies God really wants us to enjoy life, and be grateful for all we have, we shouldn’t waste our God given time just daydreaming (Ecclesiastes 6:9). So focus on bringing God glory, and developing your talents/abilities. As a life lived without fulfilling your purpose, is a life lived unfulfilled.
God bless y’all
From the godly lady